


a collection of short Hetalia stories!!

by canpru



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Broken Bones, Cancer, Drugs, F/F, F/M, Fire, M/M, Military, Miscarriage, Multi, Sexual Assault, Sexual Content, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-13 04:07:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29645520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canpru/pseuds/canpru
Summary: Some of these are very old and short. But mostly this is so not all my Hetalia fics are posted separately and crowding my posts. I don't want like 30 fics if I'm not proud of all of them.
Relationships: America/Japan (Hetalia), America/Ukraine (Hetalia), Belarus/Liechtenstein (Hetalia), Canada/Prussia (Hetalia)
Kudos: 6





	1. cinnamon & vanilla

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katyusha and Alfred fall in love, but I can't write happy endings.

Katyusha’s upbringing was never easy. Her parents had immigrated her, her younger brother and her baby sister to America from Russia when she was just a child. She barely knew any English and yet her parents always knew less. While she was teased at school for her accent and rough English, she’d have to be her parent’s translator at home. Which was hard enough when she barely knew how to read or write in Russian either.

Not only that, but she also had to take care of his siblings when her parents weren’t around. At age seven she already knew how to use the stove and change her baby sister’s diapers. Katyusha tried not to complain, it wouldn’t have mattered anyways.

 _“We brought you all here for a better life, and you turn your nose up at it.”_ Her father would scold.

 _“We all have to make sacrifices.”_ Her mother would say with tired eyes.

So, Katyusha got used to being an extra set of hands around the house. In the end, it wasn’t that bad. In fact sometimes she almost enjoyed it. Or maybe it was just the fact that she had been amazing with kids her entire life.

By the time Katyusha was sixteen she already had her first job. She found herself working in a bakery that was owned by Francis Bonnefoy and his husband Arthur. The couple also had twin boys only a year older than her.

Matthew was rather quiet and Katyusha rarely saw him. Mostly because he and Francis did most of the baking while Arthur and Katyusha took care of the cleaning and taking care of customers.

Katyusha and Matthew got along just fine when they did speak however. In fact, Matthew was one of her favorite reasons to go to work. She could talk for hours about how she was feeling and he would always be there to listen. Even if he didn’t always have the right words to respond back with.

Alfred was a whole different story compared to his brother. The boy couldn’t bake to save his life, much like his father, Arthur. He also often tried to cut coroners when it came to cleaning. So he often got stuck working with customers and cleaning dishes.

Katyusha didn’t mind Alfred, although for a time she barely saw him. Alfred would often try to get out of work, mostly because the twins would work for free for their parents. Francis and Arthur said they didn’t mind all that much now that she was there to help.

The bakery was a fun job, especially when she was able to come in as the sun was rising and be struck by the smells of cinnamon, vanilla, strawberries and other sweets. Francis always baked something just for her as well.

It seemed like the perfect job. Until she was helping close up one night.

Usually when the bakery was getting ready to close, the door stayed unlocked. Francis and Arthur hated wasting food so often times homeless men and women would come in and get free treats of whatever was left over. There was also the times when tired mothers and fathers would rush in with children who just had to have SOMETHING to calm their cries.

The trays the sweets were spread out on were also some of the easiest things to clean. So Francis and Arthur would always let Katyusha leave as long as she brought them in and swept the floors.

Matthew would always be there to help her but unfortunately he had been sick that day, and was forced to stay home. His fathers also, reluctantly, let his boyfriend stay with him to make sure Matthew would stay in bed. Gilbert’s stubbornness could overtake Matthew’s guilt any-day.

So, it had just been Katyusha who was at the front when the man had walked in.

When the bell rang, Katyusha immediately put on a smile.

“I was just about to clock out and leave.” She said, placing her purse back down behind the counter. “But we have plenty of treats left over if you’d like one.”

Looking him over, the man seemed to be quite clean. However, he smelt terribly of alcohol. Katyusha figured he wasn’t homeless but if you didn’t get some sort of food into you after drinking you wouldn’t feel the best either.

The man mumbled something she couldn’t quite hear before throwing himself into the counter, making her jump.

_“Maybe I should get the boys.”_ She thought to herself. After all she couldn’t just throw a grown man out all by herself. And she didn’t want to hurt someone who was black out drunk and couldn’t help themselves.

“Sir? Do you need me to call someone?” She asked. “I can-“

The man cut her off, grabbing onto her arm and pulling her closer to him. With his other hand he grabbed onto her chests and let out a sick laugh.

Katyusha couldn’t help but scream, trying to pull back and earning another tug. Tears began to fall down her face as the man’s face seemed to be getting closer. The smell of alcohol filling the air and making her sick to her stomach.

Then, there was a loud crack, and she was free. It happened so fast she almost didn’t realize the man had fallen to the floor and Alfred had taken his place.

“My dear, are you okay?” Arthur asked, grabbing her arm as carefully as he could as to not scare her.

The sound of another loud crack took her attention away from the worried man.

“ALFRED!” Francis barked. “That’s enough. You’re going to get yourself in trouble.”

“Didn’t you see what he did to her?!” Alfred yelled back, earning a smack to the back of his head.

“I’m as angry as you are but if you kill him we don’t have anybody to arrest do we?” Francis said, pushing Alfred away from the man.

“Arthur, my love, call the police for me would you?” Francis practically sang before his smile fell. “Alfred, take Katyusha home. I’ll have Gilbert meet you halfway to take you back home. Least he could do because I know what he and your brother are doing in my house right now.”

“Ew, papa!” Alfred gagged.

“Honey.” Arthur spoke up. “You should go home. If you don’t feel like coming in tomorrow we understand. And as far as the police go, you can talk to them another time. We have cameras for a reason anyways.”

“Hey, doll.” The sound of Alfred’s voice almost shocked her. Alfred had never spoken so softly before.

“Don’t cry. It’s okay. We wouldn’t let anyone hurt our girl.” Alfred said with a smile, bringing his hand up to wipe away a stray tear.

Katyusha hadn’t realized she had still been crying.

That night, neither said a word until they had reached her home. Katyusha wasn’t sure if she appreciated the silence or wished she wasn’t left alone with her own thoughts.

“Here’s my number.” Alfred finally said, taking a pen out of his pocket and grabbing into her arm. “If you ever need me or Mattie, or both of us to take you to work let me know. Or if you ever just need to talk, okay?”

“Okay.” Katyusha said softly, holding her arm to her chest. “Thank you, Alfred.”

“Anytime. If you ever need a hero, I’m your guy!” He smiled, and somehow Katyusha knew she could believe him.

In the end, Katyusha didn’t need the twins to walk her home. After all, her little brother was 6’0” and made even her nervous sometimes. Arthur, Francis and Matthew thought so as well. Alfred wanted to challenge him to arm wrestle. Katyusha wouldn’t allow it.

As time passed on through high school, Katyusha grew closer with the twins. After all it was always a little difficult for her to make friends in school because she was always so busy. And everyone was a little afraid of her siblings. But Matthew and Alfred helped her meet new friends as well. Matthew’s boyfriend, Gilbert, was great friends with a boy named Antonio. Antonio’s cousin Bella just adored Katyusha from the moment she met her. And Gilbert also introduced her to his old friend Elizabeth. So, she also had had girl friends for the first time in her life as well.

As prom season arrived, Katyusha and Alfred were the only ones without a date. And like any pair of teens in high school…well you know where this is going.

It was supposed to be a friendly date. And then came the teasing. And then came the rumors. Katyusha would always get so flustered, but Alfred didn’t seem to mind. One day after work, she realized why.

Alfred sure did talk a lot, but he had never been really good with words.

“I really like dates?” He had forced out.

Katyusha could only stare in response.

“Was that a question?” She asked, letting out a small laugh.

“I..I wanted to ask you if you wanted to go on a date. But I also wanted to say I really like you. So I uh…yeah. Word salad.” Alfred mumbled, looking down at his feet.

“Oh? Alright.”

“Ha…wait. Really?”

Katyusha and Alfred had started dating during their last year of high school. Everyone had known it was coming for a long time, somewhere deep down. Katyusha often feared it was a little cliché. However, she couldn’t help falling for the boy.

Things seemed to be falling into place. Matthew and Gilbert had gotten engaged almost immediately after they graduated. Gilbert already had a job lined up under his father as long as he finished college and Matthew and Alfred were happy to take over the bakery when their fathers were ready.

Matthew however knew deep down one day it’d be given to Alfred and Katyusha. After all with Gilbert he’d be well taken care of.

Alfred didn’t know what he wanted out of life. But he knew that bakery meant the world to his fathers, so he had settled on that being his future. Katyusha couldn’t say she minded, but that wasn’t her dream.

Katyusha wanted to work with children. She wanted to be a teacher. Alfred had supported her, despite being a little disappointed. After all Matthew didn’t really mind helping him with the bakery.

So, as Katyusha began her studies, she worked less and Alfred worked more to keep up with the bills. It seemed as if they rarely saw each-other but they had always promised once Katyusha had finished her first year that would change.

Time seemed to fly by, and soon Katyusha had once again graduated. And before she knew it Alfred had proposed.

Some months after she had began working, Katyusha had found herself pregnant as well.

Things were perfect. Too perfect.

One day before classes started, Katyusha was struck with an intense pain in her stomach she couldn’t describe. She could only kneel over as she called her fiancé and cried.

Then came the blood. So much blood.

She had lost the baby only two months after she had realized she was pregnant.

Katyusha had cried more in her life before. Some nights it felt like she couldn’t breathe. And as Alfred would hold her, he promised her it wasn’t her fault. And that they could try again some day. Still, Katyusha couldn’t find it in herself to give her lost little boy a name.

A year passed and things had started to finally feel okay. And then the fighting started. Katyusha and Matthew had figured it was because of the baby and the stress that neither Alfred or her could really get out. After all they were far too busy to go to therapy.

Alfred suggested he’d go to live with his fathers for some time. Give them both time to cool down. So, they agreed they’d speak again in three months and decide if they could recover the relationship.

Two months later Katyusha was on Francis’ and Arthur’s front door begging for a man who they said they hadn’t seen in a long time.

All of a sudden, Alfred had been missing. Matthew was the only one who had been able to contact him, but when Katyusha asked he could only look at her with sad eyes. Gilbert wouldn’t tell her anything if Matthew wouldn’t, and their fathers seemed to be just as heart broken.

“At least tell me if he found someone else, Matthew.” She would cry, sobbing into his chest. “Tell me if it was me. Tell me if I ruined everything.”

“He could never, and will never love anyone like he loves you.” Matthew would promise her each time. 

Matthew was dealing with his own issues. Whatever he was hiding, adding on taking care of the bakery all on his own was taking a toll on him. Gilbert would call Katyusha crying some nights, scared of the way Matthew was starting to talk.

“It’s like he doesn’t wanna wake up in the mornings anymore. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what any of us can do.” He would sob, and she’d cry along with him.

She missed her fiancé. She missed her family.

Two years.

For two years this went on. For two years she waited for anything. A call, a text, a letter. She’d listen to old voicemails and cry over old photos. She’d lay in bed at night and be disgusted with herself over her thoughts of him, because they weren’t _his_ hands. He wasn’t there anymore.

And then one night Gilbert called her sobbing, his words unrecognizable. All she knew was something was terribly wrong. She was suddenly being rushed to the hospital. She assumed she’d be seeing Matthew in the hospital bed. Perhaps overworked.

But she was finally met with Alfred again. But he wasn’t himself anymore.

He was pale, and so skinny. He had bags under his eyes, like he hadn’t slept in months. And he looked like he had been crying. He looked weak, like he had been locked away somewhere for a long time.

The sight almost made Katyusha sick to her stomach.

“Hey there, doll.” He forced out, his voice breaking as Katyusha began to cry.

“Where have you been? Do you know how worried I was?” She sobbed. “Why did you leave me? Did I do something wrong?”

“Doll….”

“He’s sick.” Matthew forced out, crying as well. “He’s been sick for a long time. Over two years.”

“I didn’t know how to tell you. I made Mattie keep quiet too. I was scared you’d throw everything away over me. I wanted you to…”

“Wanted me to what? Get over you? You could have least said goodbye to me.” She spat, the words tasting bitter in her mouth.

“He wanted you to have a chance to move on. In case…” Gilbert couldn’t help start to cry again as well. “We told him he was stupid. That you’d never let him go like that."

“Kat, I’m so sorry.” Matthew sobbed. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. We all wanted to protect you. Our dads didn’t know until last year. They literally forced it out of me. I was so scared and I couldn’t…I just. Oh my God.”

“I don’t have long.” Alfred finally said. “I wanted to make it right. Hell, I don’t think I could even last through my own wedding at this point. But I had to see you again. I had to. I’m sorry, doll. I really am.”

“Then do it now.” Katyusha begged. “Marry me now. Marry me right fucking now.”

“We..we could get a priest I suppose.” Gilbert said, his voice wavering.

“Then go get one.” Katyusha demanded, wrapping her arms around Alfred. The feeling of his bones against her skin made her feel ill.

“Whatever you want, doll.” Alfred promised, holding her as tightly as he could manage. “Anything you want.”

That night, they were married in that hospital room. A week later, Alfred had passed away. Matthew and Gilbert had been expecting it, but it hit Katyusha like a train. She was mourning him all over again, and this time she knew nothing she did could fix it. Alfred was never coming back.

_“I shouldn’t have fought with him so much. Maybe he would have stayed with me. Maybe I could have helped him. Maybe I could have made more memories with him.”_

It didn’t matter anymore. She had lost him, she had lost their baby too. All she had left was the bakery. And after some time, Matthew was on the verge of losing that too.

So, she quit her dream job to help him in the bakery. The first year was awful, she and Matthew would break down and cry almost every hour of the day.

As the second year came around, things began to get easier. Matthew and Gilbert visited Alfred’s grave often with Katyusha and they could finally relive stories with him without crying. Matthew and Gilbert has also adopted a baby boy and given him his middle name.

Katyusha knew she could never fall in love again, but she had decided to adopt as well. Her home was finally filled with love and noise again. And after thirty years and four children, Katyusha had finally retired. With plenty of grandchildren, her home was never empty. And Katyusha was genuinely happy for the first time in years.

Some years later, Katyusha would pass away of old age after spending her entire life giving all the love in her heart to the family she had grown. And she was at peace with that.

But as she took her final breath, she didn’t see a light. There were no angels or holy music.

She found herself on a beach. And as she looked herself up and down, she realized she was much younger again.

“Is this…what they call your life flashing before your eyes?” She asked aloud, almost wondering if she was dreaming.

“Not quite.” A familiar voice chimed in.


	2. the end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily is sick and Natalya is losing the only thing she has left.

"How was the weather today?" Lily asked, a smile on her lips. 

"Shitty." Natalya replied, plopping down onto the smaller girl's bed. 

"Why do you say that?" Lily tried to sit up, sighing and giving up when the needle in her arm started to make her uncomfortable. 

"It rained last night. Everything was wet and cold." Natalya reached into her pocket, trying to hide her smile. "But I suppose this little guy appreciated it."

Lily gasped when she saw the rose. "Oh, Natalya! It's beautiful! Thank you so much!"

Natalya couldn't help but laugh. Lily was too cute for her own good. Not that Natalya would have her any other way. Lily was absolutely perfect in her eyes, she always had been. 

"I wish they'd let me out of this place. I miss going outside. I miss our apartment. I even miss our noisy neighbors!" Lily said with a huff. 

"Matthew and Gilbert miss you too." Natalya reached out to brush the blonde's hair from her face. "They say hello and that they hope you come home soon."'

Lily smiled. "Did you tell them I appreciated their gift basket?" 

"I tried to. I told Matthew but...Gilbert wasn't in the mood for visitors." Natalya shrugged. "I'm sure Matthew told him."

"Oh no, is he sick?" Natalya was almost sure Lily knew what she did to her. She was far too nice and it made Natalya's knees weak. 

"Not exactly. The idiot tried to jump from a tree and into a pool. Broke his arm. When I stopped over he was still dealing with the side affects of the pain medication." 

Lily couldn't help but laugh and Natalya joined her.

"I hope I get out of here soon. It seems I'm missing far too much." Lily sighed. 

"When you get better, I'll break you out of here. We can sneak out the window." Natalya teased. 

"Natalya..." Lily's smile dropped. 

Natalya looked away, already feeling the tears start to form. 

Lily wasn't going to get better. She was dying. The cancer had spread and she was dying. In months she'd be gone. Natalya would be a broken hearted widow and stuck with an impossible amount of hospital bills. It wasn't fair. 

Lily was perfect. She was kind, sweet, giving, loving, pure hearted and..an angel. She was an angel, Natalya's angel. She didn't deserve this. If anything it was Natalya that should be in that hospital bed. 

Natalya lost her siblings at a young age. In the same car accident she escaped without so much as a scratch. Her parents couldn't stand to look at her so they gave her up. And her uncles beatings weren't the therapy she was looking for. So, she got older and found other ways to cope. Sex, cigarettes, drugs and alcohol. By the time Natalya was eighteen she had been in and of the hospital at least six times. She tried to take her life the night she came back home from her fifth stay. 

Natalya's mental heath had gone to shit. But her body? She was healthy as can be. It made her sick. Natalya didn't deserve her life. Until she met Lily, her life had been meaningless. Just a thousand sad endings with no purpose. But then this beautiful, sweet girl walked into her life and for the first time she was happy. 

Then Lily got sick. One night the girls were planning to adopt and the next Natalya was screaming at a doctor while Lily did her best to at least keep down her medicine. 

"Natalya, will you lay down with me?" Lily asked, her voice soft. "Visiting hours will be over soon and...I can't sleep without you."

"Of course, darling." Natalya forced a smile. She'd love to see the doctors TRY to make her leave. 

As Lily slept, Natalya listened to her heartbeat. She couldn't sleep. She was terrified that if she closed her eyes Lily's heart would stop beating. And she couldn't risk that. Without Lily, Natalya would fall apart. She had spent her entire life trying to hide her emotions, to act brave. She had tried everything to make sure no one could ever hurt her again. But Lily was her weak spot. She needed Lily or she would cease to exist. 

Lily knew how much Natalya needed her. She was fighting everyday. Natalya could see it in her eyes. Lily didn't want to give up. She didn't want to hurt Natalya. And Natalya wasn't sure what hurt more. Losing Lily or knowing how much pain Lily was going through to save Natalya from going through anymore. 

"I love you." Natalya whispered. "I love you more than I could ever express. You're my whole world. And one day...we're gonna have our own little family. We'll have a big house with a yard and picket fence. Maybe a few dogs. And we'll be happy. Just you wait and see."

But Lily didn't answer. Natalya knew it wouldn't make a difference. Lily was gonna go away one day, and Natalya would never see her again. It didn't matter how much she prayed or how much she wished everything would change. 


	3. smoking makes you cool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is old as hell and I don't even know how to explain it.

_Well my great grand-dad he died of cancer_   
_From smoking too many cigarettes_   
_But I must confess that he did quite profess_   
_To being the coolest motherfucker I ever met_   
  


  
  
Alfred sighed in annoyence as he listened to the pounding on his door. He turned the music blaring from his mp3 just a bit higher and turned away from the door.  
  
He didn't have to hear it to know what happened next. His mother would come in, call he pathetic or tell him he can't stay up in his room forever. She'd say she's in pain too. Tell him to get off his ass and live. He had to move on. Then she'd scream in frustration and throw something at him before leaving.  
  
Alfred felt the unmistakable outline of his journal hit his thigh, and he let out a hiss of pain. He turned just in time to see his door slam shut. Removing his headphones, he could hear his mother venting to herself loudly.  
  
Alfred rolled his eyes and stood up. Gathering his shoes, his cigarettes and his phone charger, he decided he need a break. And he knew exactly where to go.  
  


  
  
  
_Thats 'cause smoking makes you cool_   
_And smoking makes you rule_   
_So just light up a smoke and you'll never go broke_   
_And you'll be the most popular kid in school_   
_The coolest kid in school_

  
  
  
Alfred had climbed out his window a thousand times now. Still managed to fuck up his knees each time though. The pain was ignored though, he was too determined to get where he was heading.  
  
He finally arrived, pounding on the white, piss stained door of the local abandoned complex. Or as most of the town called it, the local crack house.  
  
Alfred was greeted with a smile, and the one wearing that smile was a none other than Ivan Braginsky. The two didn't exactly have a great past, but they got along well enough to allow Alfred a place here.  
  
Seems you can learn a lot about a person while in the emergency room while you both had broken noses, black eyes and a switchblade sticking out of your side. Learn about cheap ways to get your hands on cigarettes, drugs and alcohol after all.  
  
"Ah, Alfred. Nice to see you again, my friend." Ivan said sweetly.  
  
"Cut the shit, Braginsky." Alfred said bitterly. "I've got fifty bucks in my pocket. That enough for a little fun?"  
  
Ivan clicked his tounge. "Well we have no one here willing to suck your cock, but maybe we should because they'd be close enough to pull that head of yours out of your ass." He snorted. "But, we have some weed and plenty of alcohol. Unless you're looking for some stronger stuff?"  
  
"No thanks. Weed and some whiskey is enough for me." Alfred said, pushing past Ivan.  
  
"You really should try the vodka. Quick way to .. as you say.. get fucked up." Ivan laughed.  
  
  
  
  
 _Well I've traveled millions of Marlboro miles_  
 _But I haven't gotten anywhere_  
 _And I've made a million dollars in Camel cash_  
 _But I'm still just broke as when I started_

  
Alfred laughed to himself as he walked down the dark streets. His phone was ringing up a storm, Matthew was probably worried sick. Matthew was always worried though...And always sick.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
Alfred turned around with a frown. "Can I fucking help you?"  
  
The short black haired male looked at him a moment. Then, he simply sighed and held out his hand. "If you're gonna be out here,please be safe."  
  
Alfred looked down and snorted when he saw the man was holding condoms. "I'm not a fucking whore." He hissed.  
  
"I didn't say you were, sir. I just-"  
  
Alfred went to take a swing, but stumbled and fell face first into the concrete. He let out a pained yell and then a sob. He looked up at the scared man and couldn't help but cry harder. He must look so pathetic. Drunk off his ass, smelling like sex and drugs, sobbing and covered in dirt.  
  
  
The man sighed and bent down slowly, offering his hand. "Do you need somewhere to stay? I can give you some food and offer a hot bath. Maybe an ear if you need to vent?" The man smiled softly.  
  
Alfred sighed and sat up. "My name's Alfred, Alfred F. Jones."  
  
The man smiled back. "Kiku, Kiku Honda."  
  
  
  
 _But thats OK because smoking makes you cool_  
 _And smoking makes you rule_  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Matthew didn't make it. He was gone by next year."  
  
"And I suppose that made you very upset."  
  
"No fucking shit, Sherlock."  
  
"You didn't let me finish. You made it through that. Didn't you?"  
  
"Yeah I did. It wasn't easy though."  
  
"It wasn't supposed to be. But you've gotten through it, and so many other shit days. Don't you think you can make it through this?"  
  
Alfred chuckled softly to himself and tossed the small black box back and forth in his hands. "Yeah.. I suppose I can. After all, he's the reason I got through what I did."  
  
  
  
  
 _So just light up a smoke and you'll never go broke_  
 _And you'll be the most popular kid in school-_  
 _But only if you smoke Parliament_


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kiku doesn’t wanna be alive and Alfred doesn’t wanna let him go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is awful and was written four years ago.

_You said you hate yourself_   
_So let me feed you strawberries_

_Off a plate I bought from a widow_   
_Who was selling her husbands things_   
_And we'll see if you still hate yourself_

Kiku didn't want to wake up this time. He didn't want to face Alfred. He didn't want to see the look in his eyes. He didn't want to break down crying again. He didn't want to apologize again. He didn't. His heart couldn't take it. 

  
But he did wake up. He woke up like he always did. In that hospital bed In that damn room. It was the same every time. Kiku wondered if that's why he did it. Something he could finally control.

  
Kiku sat up and rubbed his eyes. Alfred was in the chair across the room. Same chair he always was. They met eyes, only for a moment, always a moment. Kiku looked down at his hands. 

  
“What was it this time?” Alfred said, his voice breaking. Kiku swallowed hard. He didn't want to hear Alfred cry for him again. 

  
“Answer me.” Alfred said, standing up. “Why? Why do you always do this?” 

  
Kiku felt tears start to form. He clenched his teeth. He just had to wait for Alfred to get tired and leave. 

  
It always happened like that. Alfred would be angry at first. Then when he realized he wouldn't get anything from Kiku, he'd break. He'd cry. He'd say he was sorry he wasn't there, was never there. Then he'd leave. Sometimes it was hours. Sometimes it was days. But Alfred would find himself back in Kiku's room. They'd cry, make up.. And then things would be back to normal. 

  
Kiku would be allowed to go back home. They'd go on dates, cook dinner, watch movies, kiss, make love. For weeks it was just the two of them. It was like nothing ever happened. 

  
Then Kiku would find himself back where he was now. Hardly eating, hardly sleeping, exhausted, numb. Found himself trying to leave again. Sometimes he wouldn't get far. Alfred would walk in, or he'd end up calling a hotline instead. But somehow he always found himself back in this room. 

  
He didn't understand why he got so upset. It was him who decided to always come back. Alfred wanted what was best for him, he'd do anything to make him happy. If Kiku wanted to stay home, Alfred would do anything to make it so. It wasn't Alfred making him stay here. 

  
Or maybe it was. Kiku couldn't figure out why he always found himself here. 

  
_If you still hate yourself_   
_I'll eat you out for an hour in your room_   
_Cause I love giving head_

“Alfred, you're doing it wrong.” Kiku said, watching his boyfriend play with the speaker wires. 

  
“No I think I got it. I can fix this!” Alfred said with a smile. 

  
“You're gonna get yourself shocked.” Kiku said. “I'm not driving you to the hospital if you do.”

  
“I'm fine I just-” Alfred let out a pained cry and pulled his hand to his chest.

  
Kiku jumped off of the bed. “Oh my God..Are you okay?! Do you need me to drive you to the ER?! Get up. We need to-”

  
Alfred let out a laugh. “Scared you, didn't I?”

  
Kiku threw a pillow at him. “That's not funny!” He cried. 

  
Alfred walked over to him. “It was to me!” He went to hug Kiku but the man only threw another pillow in his direction. “Aww don't be mad! I'm sorry, babe.” 

  
Kiku shook his head. “No. You can sleep on the couch.”

  
“Aww come on!” Alfred whined.

  
“No.”

  
“Kiku-”

` 

“Go away.”

  
“Baby..”

  
“GOODBYE!”

  
Alfred covered his face, starting to mock cry. “I can't believe my own boyfriend....” Alfred whined with a sniff. 

  
Kiku rolled his eyes. “Fine I'll take the couch.” 

  
Alfred pinned him to the bed before he could. “No we both sleep here.” He said with a smile. 

  
“I'm already exhausted.” Alfred said, laying down on top of Kiku, pinning him to the bed. 

  
“Get off me!” Kiku cried. Alfred only replied with fake snores. 

  
Kiku couldn't help but laugh. “You're terrible.” 

  
“I love you too!” Alfred said happily. 

  
“Come here, you asshole.” Kiku said, smiling. 

  
Alfred leaned forward and kissed Kiku quickly. “Do you forgive me?” 

  
“I'll think about it.” Kiku said, pulling Alfred back for another. 

  
_If you still hate yourself_   
_We'll cut ourselves and swallow_   
_Chunks of broken glass_   
_I don't care about finishing college_

Kiku looked in the mirror with tired eyes. Things were going well, but he always found himself back here. 

  
“Babe?” Alfred spoke softly as he walked into the room. “Are you okay?”

  
Kiku shook his head covered his face. He couldn't stop the tears from falling. “I'm sorry.” He said with a sob. 

  
Alfred pulled him into his arms, letting him cry. He hated seeing Kiku like this. It made him feel sick. 

  
“Why are you sorry?” Alfred asked softly.

  
“It's always like this.” Kiku sobbed. “I put you through this everytime. I can't stop it. I treat you so terribly and I....” Kiku couldn't finish, he just cried. 

  
Alfred swore he could feel his heart shatter. “No..No you don't treat me terribly. You have never treated me badly.” He said firmly. “Why would you even think something like that?”

  
“I just...You make me so happy.” Kiku cried. “And I make you feel so terrible. I make you cry and worry and I make you scared everytime you take me back to that stupid hospital. I don't even like it there. It doesn't help me. It never has. I just can't..Look you in the eye after something like that.” 

  
“I'm no good. I'm sorry.” Kiku sobbed. 

  
Alfred could have cried too. “You're wrong.” He said, his voice beginning to break. “You..are not your mental illnesses, okay? You are not your pain.” Alfred tried to think of a better way to explain it. 

  
“I don't like it when you're upset or...wanting to...” Alfred swallowed hard. “But I..Don't mind being there for you. I don't mind doing what I can to make sure you're okay. Your breakdowns don't upset me. What upsets me is I don't have the things you need to feel better...I'm no professional.” 

  
Kiku looked up at Alfred. For the first time he wasn't ashamed of being seen like this. 

  
“Look..You're the love of my life. You're kind, funny, sweet, smart, and brave and...so strong. I can't believe you have pulled through some of the things you have.” Alfred said, feeling tears start to fall. “You're my bestfriend and I hate seeing you like this. You don't understand how much you mean to me, okay? You don't understand how...fucking beautiful and perfect you are to me.” 

  
Alfred took a deep breath. “Look...I'm not exactly...the most emotionally and mentally stable person in the world either. But do you get upset with ME when I cry or have attacks? Do you think I should be ashamed when I have days where I feel so shitty I can't even leave the bed?” 

  
Kiku couldn't believe Alfred was asking that. They had been together through a lot and seen the worst of eachother. Kiku could tell you how Alfred got everyone of his scars and Alfred could tell you exactly who crossed Kiku's mind when someones voice got a little too loud. There were no secrets between them. 

  
“You were there for me when I landed myself in a hospital too.” Alfred said quietly. 

  
Kiku remembered it well. In highschool, Alfred tried to take his life. He almost succeeded too. He jumped from the school building, and he shouldn't have survived the fall. The doctors didn't think he'd ever wake up....Or learn to walk again when he did. But Kiku was there for him. 

  
It was an entire year before Alfred could even leave the hospital. Four before he could walk again. But Kiku was there, for every moment. Alfred spent so many nights crying, begging for Kiku to kill him. He didn't want to live the way he was. But he pulled through, and Kiku has been there to nurse every old wound that day left behind. 

  
“We're gonna be here for eachother forever, okay?” Alfred said, trying to keep his voice firm. “You will never push me away or lose me because of this. I am going to be here everytime you need me. If you need to cry for hours, or vent all night, that's fine. I will stay with you through it all. There is nothing you could do to lose my love. Understand?”

  
Kiku knew it wouldn't be easy. He knew recovery was anything but. However, he had Alfred. He had support, a home. One day they'd both lay in bed reminiscing about the years before and talking about what caused every wound. And on that day, Kiku knew the scars wouldn't matter anymore. 

  
_I'll buy the biggest tv_   
_That my credit card allows me_   
_We'll watch the food network for the rest of our lives_


	5. blue christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't know. Fifteen year old me was crazy. Have some Amepan.

_I'll have a blue Christmas without you_   
_I'll be so blue just thinking about you_   
_Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree_   
_Won't be the same dear, if you're not here with me_

  
  
Kiku sighed as he looked over the Christmas tree. It was a beautiful tree. The decorations were neat, colorful and absolutely beautiful. It was perfect. All it was missing was the star. Kiku turned the gold object over and smiled softly.  
  
Alfred always put the star on top. It was a tradition. Kiku would decide what the tree would be decorated with and got to pick out the oridements. Alfred put on the star and was in charge of the misoltoe.  
  
  
'He'll just have to put you up when he comes back.' Kiku thought to himself.  
  
Kiku felt a familiar pain in his heart. Their words continued to repeat in his head.  
  
"He's been missing in action for months."  
"Kiku, he's gone."  
"You haven't even started greaving."  
"He was a wonderful soldier, you should be proud."  
  
Kiku tossed the star onto the couch and sat down, closing his eyes tightly and covering his ears, trying not to cry.  
  
"They're wrong." He whispered to himself. "You promised me. You promised you'd be back. You're safe. You're coming home." He tried to believe those words, but the tears kept falling.

  
  
 _And when those blue snowflakes start falling_  
 _That's when those blue memories start calling_  
  
  
  
"Alfred ... I don't know about this." Kiku said softly.  
  
Alfred sighed loudly, the laptop making loud static boom through the speaker as a result. "It's a simple mission. I'm heading back after this, I promise you."  
  
Kiku sighed. "And you just heard about it now?"  
  
Alfred bit his lip. "Yeah. Technically I'm not needed, I offered after I heard but-"  
  
Kiku cut him off. "Are you serious?! You have barely survived throughout your years of service. You almost died, so many times.." Kiku hissed. "And you want to put yourself in MORE DANGER!?" Kiku usually wasn't quick to anger at all, but this was too much.  
  
Kiku knew long ago this is what Alfred wanted to do. The two boys were highschool sweethearts. Alfred always talked about joining the army. The day he turned eighteen he practically kicked the door of the recruiting office down.  
  
That was six years ago though. Kiku had missed so much time with the love of his life. And Alfred just wanted to risk losing the rest they might have?  
  
"Kiku, I'm sorry. I just-"  
  
"Save it Alfred." Kiku hissed, slamming the laptop shut. He began to sob, and tossed the laptop onto the other side of the bed.  
  
  
  
The next morning, Kiku waited all day but Alfred was not heard from. The week after, he was reported missing in action.  
  
  
  
  
 _You'll be doin' all right, with your Christmas of white_  
 _But I'll have a blue, blue blue blue Christmas_

  
Kiku woke to the smell of smoke. His heart pounding as he jumped out of bed. He practically ripped his bedroom door off its hinges as he made his way to the kitchen. He could barely breathe.  
  
He pushed the door open quickly, ripping the fire extinguisher from the wall. Turning his head, he was greeted with-  
  
"Hey, babe! You know, Christmas tree pancakes are harder than I thought. "  
  
  
  
 _You'll be doin' all right, with your Christmas of white,_  
 _But I'll have a blue, blue Christmas_


	6. you're so pretty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I barely even proof read this. Have some fluff for once.

_You taste like sweet apple pie, with whipped cream on the side_  
 _Your cum is like warm milk, your red cheeks are soft as silk_  
 _You taste like raisins in the pudding_  
 _Sweet soft bugs I'm chewing_  
 _Stuck between my teeth, curling the toes on my feet_  
 _You're so sweet_  
  
  
Lily stomped her foot and frowned. "Natalya if you don't get up this instant!" She cried. The only response she got a was a groan and the crinkle of the sheets.  
  
"Nat, I love you but you bring me no choice." She huffed. Without a word, she walked over to the bed, and kicked the lump with all her might.  
  
With a sudden cry, Natalya fell off the bed and hit the floor with a thump.  
  
"It's Saturday!" Natalya cried as she pulled the blankets from her face. "We have nothing to do today.  
  
"Exactly, better make use of it!" Lily said with a smile. And with that, she turned out of the room.  
  
  
So I take you to the movies and then back to my house to sleep  
You wear a used dirty band shirt and cute panties  
Whisper secrets and you kiss me  
  
  
Lily sighed happily as she sat down on the checkered blanket. With a smile, she opened her purse, pulling out the simple camera she had bought the week before. Or really, Nat had bought it. Lily had practically cried her eyes out when she received the gift.  
  
Nat rolled her eyes as Lily took yet another photo of her. "I don't understand why you keep doing that." She said as she began setting out the food they had taken with them that day. "We're outside, in a beautiful park. Yet you keep aiming that thing at me."  
  
Lily laughed softly. "Well darling, I happen to think you're the prettiest thing here. Would be a waste if I didn't take a photo."  
  
Natalya smiled softly to yourself. "If you believe that you obviously haven't looked in the mirror recently."  
  
Lily felt her face heat up and looked away, Natalya could only laugh as her love tried to hide her face in her hands.  
  
  
  
 _Pull me close and tell me_  
 _That you think I'm so pretty_  
 _Well I think you're a jewel_  
 _I think you're a ruby_  
  
  
  
"It wasn't funny!" Natalya cried as she covered her face to hide her embarrassed blush.  
  
"It was too! You actually climbed a tree to escape a little bird!" Lily snorted.  
  
"That little bird was a goose and it was terrifying." Natalya mumbled. Ah yes, high school memories. Never was fun for anyone now was it? "Anyway... Why'd you do all this?"  
  
"Do all what?" Lily asked innocently.  
  
"This.. drag me out here on a Saturday for some cliché picnic in the park."  
  
"You don't like it?" Lily asked nervously.  
  
"That's not what I meant! It was nice I just.." Natalya frowned. "Why? What's the occasion."  
  
Lily sat up and took a deep breath.

  
  
  
_Don't know who told you you had a cherry in between your legs_   
_The only thing I pop are the blood vessels on your neck_   
_But if you want one we can split a sundae_   
_Tying knots with our tongues_   
_Practice for later on the grass when i lift your dress up_

  
  
Lily pulled the small black box from her pocket and took a shaky breath.  
  
"I know... I know that we're young. And I know sometimes... These things ..Well they go to shit. Sometimes things just don't work out. Please change .. they grow and sometimes that means growing apart." Lily said softly. "But I also know... That I love you. I.. I just love you so much. I love you more than I have ever loved anything in my life. And I know I'm not perfect, I know I'll never be very wealthy, I'm not the smartest person.. But I will give you everything I have."  
  
Lily wiped a few stray tears and continued. "And I know we both have some growing to do, but I want to do it with you by my side. I want to grow to be the person you deserve. I want to be stronger. I want to find my place in the world. And that may be easy... Because my place will always be with you. I love you, Natalya. I have for so long, and I will forever. And I know that sounds cheesy and stupid. But I... God.. I love you so much. And I.. I am willing to do absolutely anything to make you happy. I will forever."  
  
Lily opened the box slowly, revealing the ring she had been hiding for months. "So will you, make me happy? Will you marry me?"  
  
Natalya could only nod, the happy tears were all Lily need to see to understand.  
  
  
  
  
  
 _So I take you to the movies and then back to my house to sleep_  
 _You wear a used dirty band shirt and cute panties_  
 _Whisper secrets and you kiss me_  
 _Pull me close and tell me_  
 _That you think I'm so pretty_  
 _Well I think you're a jewel_  
 _I think you're a ruby_


	7. tiny little dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't know. I really don't know.

**_Once upon a time, there was a tiny little dream_ **   
  
**_The person who had the dream is unknown, and it was really such a small dream_ **   
  
**_The little dream started to think_ **   
  
**_"I don't ever wanna disappear how can the people dream of me?"_ **   
  
**_The tiny little dream started think to itself out loud, and it finally came up with an idea_ **   
  
**_"I will make the people come to me...and then they will make my world..."_ **   
  
  
  


  
_The first Alice was a wrathful man of the spade._   
_And righteously he held a sharpened blade within his hand._   
_Never hesitating to slay all within his way._   
_Creating paths of blood that followed him through Wonderland._

  
  
  
Antonio laughed as the young women in front of him begged for mercy. They always did. They thought a moment of apologies and begging would make up for the YEARS they mocked him. He was no longer the happy go lucky prince anymore. He was the God damn king and he deserved some fucking respect. Respect they ALL refused to give.  
  
Just because he was a little hard....just because he didn't make their hungry stomach his first priority...  
  
Antonio was faced with a angry crowd the month before. They had all had enough with the way he ruled. They wanted him gone and for a new king to rise. Antonio's knights had betrayed him as well. He had left the castle bearing fresh new scars.  
  
Now he was back, and the whole town was going to pay. Every last one of them. Antonio wasn't stupid though. He couldn't just run in charging. No, he needed to go slow. Kill of the weakest. No one would bat an eye but the unimportant ones.  
  
With a quick swipe of his sword, the women's cries were no longer heard. A loud thump was all that was echoed throughout the home. Antonio cackled and picked up the women by her hair, the head no longer attached to the body.  
  
He smirked as he looked at the horrified expression left on her face.  
  
"Long live the king."  
  
  
  
  


  
  
_Deep into the darkened forest, Alice walked the line._   
_Captured and imprisoned as an embodiment of Sin._   
_If it were not for the murderous wake left behind._   
_No one would have suspected that he had ever been._   
  
  


  
  
Antonio had never been so terrified in his life. No they couldn't come after him, not now. He was done. Not all of them suffered. Still, the shouts echoed throughout the burning woods.  
  
He cried as he his the dirt face first. Looking back, he saw it. It had its long black arms around his ankles and was cackling.  
  
"No...NO YOU'RE THE ONE THAT TOLD ME TO DO THIS!" Antonio cried. It only responded with more laughter.  
  
Antonio thrashed and screamed but it was pointless.  
  
  
  
They say if you listen closely...you can still hear the screams of pain echoing, sending chills down your spine.  
  
  
  
  
  
 _The second Alice was a fragile man of the diamond._

  
  
  
  
Francis smiled as the crowd began to gather. He was told his voice alone was the most beautiful one in all of Wonderland. It showed too, everyone gathered around him when he stood in his place and tossed a coin to the young boy with the violin.  
  
"They hate you..."  
  
Francis ground his teeth together.  
  
'Shut up.' He thought.  
  
"They alllll hate you..."  
  
Francis shook his head and closed his eyes tightly. It wouldn't leave him alone. Not even in his dreams. The voice, the shadow...always there... always whispering.  
  


  
  
_The broken echo of the lies within demented words._   
_He sang his twisted melodies to all in Wonderland._   
_Creating the image of the sick and the disturbed._

  
  
  
The people around him looked at him in horror and awe. The words he sung chilled them to the bone but they couldn't look away. They couldn't stop listening. They just couldn't. His voice was enchanting and they were all under his spell.  
  
Francis suddenly stopped and began laughing. "Liars...all of you." He hissed.  
  
Everyone looked around and back at him. What on earth could the blonde mean?  
  
"Go on... they all hate you..."  
  
  
Francis gripped onto his hair tightly and threw his head back, laughing hysterically. "LIARS! LIARS LIARS LIARS!"  
  
They never loved him. They loved his voice. His voice was the only reason they looked his way.  
  
Suddenly, he was cut off by a different laugh. He knew it well...

  
  
_Deadly, yet so beautiful a voice just like a rose._   
_Was shot by a madman who silenced him to death._   
_A single rose bloomed in his place with no music composed._   
_With twisted grin this dying man lay breathing his last breath._

  
  
  
The shadow grabbed his arms and held him still. Francis could only scream as it's many arms began to surround him and keep him in place.  
  
"They hate you..."  
"Useless..."  
"Pathetic.."  
  
  
Francis began to sob. "Leave me alone!" He cried. "Please!"  
  
He cries were ignored. His only reply was a loud bang...and then there was nothing.  
  
  
The young boy couldn't stop screaming. Everyone around the scene was horrified. The beloved blonde with the golden voice had taken his own life in front of them with the gun he kept on his waist.  
  
The strange thing is....no one knows who he was arguing with as he held it to his head...and no one could ask.  
  
Oh how they missed the young man now.  
  


  
  
_The third Alice was an innocent young boy of club._   
_An enchanting, graceful figure in the world of Wonderland._

  
  
  
Alfred smiled as he handed out the food in his arms. His country was starving and he couldn't just sit by and watch. He was starving himself but ...these were children...mothers....fathers...He couldn't watch this happen .  
  
  
The king had been the one to watch it happen. He got was coming to him. A shot in the back of the head by his most trusted apprentice. Sin never went unpunished.

  
  
_He charmed the people in the land to his beck and call._   
_A peculiar country answering to each command._

  
"You want me to be the new king?" Alfred asked in shock.  
  
The man in front of him smiled sweetly. "You've saved the country. You're the one that fed my family. You helped the town farmer with his crops and saved us from starvation. You helped build the well that gave us all clean water to drink. You helped rebuild the school..."  
  
The women next to him wiped her tears. "You're a born leader, Alfred F. Jones...We need you more than ever..."  
  
  
Alfred looked around at the crowd who had gathered around his home.  
  
  
"I...I will take the place as king...And I will do my best..."  
  


  
  
_So he rose into the throne to be the country’s king._   
_Consumed by paranoia of his own impending death._   
_Soon the king succumbed to a dark and nightmarish dream._   
_Disguised in kindness, loathing fate, he secured his regime._

  
  
  
Alfred rocked himself as he sat behind the door. They were all going to kill him. He was failing as a king. He was failing them all. No sin went unpunished. That's how the last king paid his dues.  
  
The familiar shadow was next to him again. Wrapping it's arms around him and giggling.  
  
"Better to do it before they do..." It whispered and dropped the blade next to him.  
  
  
Alfred looked at the shadow through his tear filled eyes. "...You're...wrong... I'll have to pay. I have to. It's the right thing to do." He whispered and stood up.  
  
With a deep breath, Alfred pushed open his bedroom door and wrapped his arms around himself. "I need to go talk to the general."  
  
"Why? So he can kill you? The last king was killed by him too...Can't trust him at all.."  
  
"Shut up!" Alfred hissed at the shadow. "I must be a man! I have to trust him..."  
  
"He'll just kill you..."  
  
"NO HE WON'T SHUT UP!"  
  
"Ahahaha... you think this kingdom cares for you!? You think HE cares for you!?"  
Alfred began sobbing.  
  
"They all want to kill you... your time is short now... Better to do it now..."  
  
Alfred shook his head. "If that's what they want... I'll have to accept it.."  
  
The shadow let out a growl. "Fine... I'll do it myself..."  
  
  
  
  
The day the good king died was the saddest of them all. He was building this country up from the ground....Why on earth would he leave them so soon?  
  
  
The king was found in his garden. He had jumped out the window.  
  
But....something never made sense...that window wouldn't break without immense force and where he landed as so far... Almost as if he was thrown...  
  
  
  
  
  
 _They were never woken from their terrifying dream._  
 _Forever they would wander this twisted fairytale._


End file.
